A note on language: While there are multiple ways to identify as Autistic, Rowland Hall has chosen to use the identity-first language that many Autistic adults advocate for. We have also chosen to capitalize Autism and Autistic to affirm this identity.

Third-grade teacher Hannah Ruske has a passion for inspiring children to make the world a better place for every type of learner.

“I feel very strongly that kids need to be exposed to neurodivergence really early,” said Hannah.

The daughter of a special education teacher, who for years has supported neurodivergent learners herself, Hannah has plenty of experience working with students of all abilities. But she knows these opportunities aren’t available to everyone—and she’s working to change that. That’s because when people, of any age, have chances to learn about neurodivergence, as well as disability, they’re better prepared to be welcoming and inclusive.

When you get in early and proactively teach kids to notice differences without othering differences, it sets the groundwork for them to be better community members in the future.—Hannah Ruske, third-grade teacher

“When you get in early and proactively teach kids to notice differences without othering differences, it sets the groundwork for them to be better community members in the future,” said Hannah.

So Hannah has committed to making her classroom a place where students learn about the many ways brains work and practice skills that help others feel welcome and included. She also looks for real-world opportunities for students to practice these skills in their own communities. At Rowland Hall, this has happened through an exciting new partnership between Hannah’s class and the Carmen B. Pingree Autism Center of Learning, located next door to the McCarthey Campus. 

Thanks to the nature of the independent education model, which leaves space for teachers to pursue learning opportunities around classroom areas of interest, Hannah was able to design a powerful authentic learning experience that connected, and mutually benefited, students at both Rowland Hall and Pingree. After sharing her initial idea with Rowland Hall’s Center for Community Impact team, Hannah met with Rafael Ochoa, clinical director of the Pingree Center, in November to discuss how they could work together. They decided one to two monthly meet-ups, which would allow the Rowland Hall class to work with several grade levels, would most benefit both schools.

To prepare for these visits, Hannah spent two months helping her class understand the best ways to be good friends to Pingree students. They learned about Autism, including viewing Autism as a skill, not a deficit, and began forming an understanding that there are a wide array of Autistic experiences. They talked about the many ways brains work. They discussed disabilities, including how to notice differences without making people feel singled out and uncomfortable. And as they learned, Hannah made sure there was lots of time for questions.

“It’s important to teach how to categorize difference in a safe environment where students can ask questions and make mistakes before they’re out in the world and don’t know how to approach it,” she explained.

To assist with their learning and guide neurodiversity-affirming interactions, the class created a list of tips, from how to engage a friend to how to be respectful of a student’s sensory needs. They identified activities they could enjoy with their friends, including reading, drawing, working on booklets, playing on the playground, and engaging in outdoor games designed for students of all abilities. And after they began their meet-ups in January, they started reflecting on each visit together and in personal writings—an important step in helping the third graders more deeply engage in the experience

“It felt like such a privilege to have this time and freedom,” Hannah said about this space to prepare and reflect. “I think that’s why it’s been so successful.”

It’s been a success for Pingree, too, making space for students in a range of classes to sharpen their social and communication skills within safe, welcoming relationships with other children.

“As an Autism center supporting clients with social communication challenges, our partnership with Rowland Hall’s third-grade classroom has been an incredibly meaningful experience,” said Rafael, Pingree’s clinical director. “These shared moments create natural opportunities for our clients to practice social skills in a fun, inclusive, and supportive environment. Watching friendships form over ‘get to know you’ booklets, playground games, and shared laughter has been a reminder of how powerful connection and kindness can be. Together, we’re building a stronger, more inclusive community—one smile, game, and conversation at a time.”

Together, we’re building a stronger, more inclusive community—one smile, game, and conversation at a time.—Rafael Ochoa, clinical director, Carmen B. Pingree Autism Center of Learning

And what’s perhaps most exciting is how this community, fostered among preschool and elementary students from two campuses on Guardsman Way, is growing every day. Drop by Hannah’s classroom and it won’t be long before you’re treated to a variety of stories—like how a class member used these new skills to make a friend at the airport during April break, or how another, a young ballerina, said this knowledge has helped her be a better friend to a fellow dancer.

The third graders are also doing their part to engage others in this work. From teaching their families and friends to sharing their list of tips with the entire Lower School at a recent Roar and Soar assembly, these changemakers are shaping a world of belonging for every type of learner—and they hope you’ll join them. Read on to learn more.

Tips for Being a Good Friend, by Ms. Ruske’s Third Graders

Below, Hannah’s class share their top takeaways from this year’s partnership with Pingree. (Please note that these tips are based on the class’s experience at one center that serves Autistic children and don’t encompass every Autistic experience. Additionally, while these tips focus on making friends at Pingree, many are helpful for making friends with anyone.)

• Remember that everyone you meet is, first and foremost, a person. One of the top things every class member will tell you is to center an Autistic or disabled person’s humanity in your interactions. “These friends are not different,” said class member Kitty K. “Their brains work differently.” And, added Monroe O., like any other kid, each person has their own likes, dislikes, and preferences. “I think about it as: when you have friends they can sometimes do different things,” she said.
• Ask before you help someone. Just as you wouldn’t want someone to assume you can’t do something based on your age or how you look, don’t assume an Autistic or disabled person needs your help. Show them the same respect you’d want. “Ask before you help someone,” said Jack S. And that goes for any devices a person may use—they’re an extension of that person. “Don’t touch a wheelchair without permission. The user might not want to be moved,” added Jack. (It’s also good practice to always ask permission before you touch someone, even when it’s not to help—such as when they may need a hug. “Ask before you touch,” advised Gracie W.)
• Laugh with your friends, not at them. Everyone knows how much it hurts to be laughed at or left out of a joke, so keep these things out of your friendships. Also, be aware that friends, including Autistic ones, may do things that are out of their control or feel unfamiliar to you, like calling out in class. Never react by laughing. “You don’t want to laugh. It’s kind of rude,” said Cooper C.
• Be aware that loud noises might be upsetting to Autistic people or anyone with over- or under-sensitive sensory systems. “Be really sensitive,” said Rohan C. about supporting these friends. “You should be quiet and calm,” added Calder O. And be aware that sensory needs take lots of shapes, including visual and tactile sensitivities.
• Be respectful of people’s patterns and organization systems. Some Autistic people may rely on patterns, such as repetitive behaviors, as well as organization systems that are integral to their routines. Be respectful of both and never interfere without permission. “Ask to help,” said Cara D.
• Follow your friend’s lead—you don’t always need to be in charge. At each visit, the third graders found it was best to start by letting their Pingree friends take the lead. This not only helped them gauge each friend’s comfort level (“Some kids ran up to you and hugged you; others were nervous and shy,” said Leo A.), but also showed their friends that they were excited to engage in what they wanted to do. “You don't decide for others, and you have to let friends take the wheel, like if they want to talk or play,” said Zoe P.
• Talk with your friends, not at them. Be sure everyone is part of the conversation. Including everyone in the conversation shows they belong, as does respecting everyone by seeing them as a full person. “Don’t use markers that could be hurtful,” said Zoe T., referring to labels that reduce a person to just one part of who they are. And, of course, remember these rules still apply when someone isn’t in the room. “Don’t talk behind backs,” said Leo.

Further Resources

• Autistic Self Advocacy Network
• Have You Been Wondering: What Is Neurodiversity?
• When Should You Use “Neurodiverse”?
• The Autism Spectrum: A Circle, Not a Line

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